When you think your children are oblivious to your feelings, think again. 

I said Merry Christmas to our car-hop at Sonic tonight.   Very thoughtfully, Princess turned to me and said, “I can’t believe how often you say ‘Merry Christmas’.  Last year you were so anti-Christmas.”

Dh and I truthfully believed that we were doing a good job at hiding our fear.  Guess not.  One year ago today, my precious Princess was recovering from a nasty fungal infection in her lung.  Only, in December we did not know exactly what the cloudy spot in her lung was.  By Christmas, pretty much every diagnosis had been ruled out except the Big C.  We never actually said the word out loud.  Even her pulmonologist would tick off the list of what had been eliminated, then the list of what he could still look for and ending only with “and other things.”  I would have wild swings… from totally trusting God to being wracked with fear and doubt.  Sanity was something other people had.  

I told her that I wasn’t “anti” Christmas, I just wasn’t ready for the holiday.  Truthfully, emotionally I could not handle the false happiness that oozes out of every corner of our culture during “The Holidays”.

And that was only one bump in the road for our family last year.  But I am THANKFUL for every single bump.  God used each of them to remind of what is important…. WHO is important.

And here we are a little over a year after our trials began.  My mother-in-law is living at home and improves every day, my daughter is completely healed from the blastomycosis, my son is taking his new normal in stride, and my husband and I are more thankful than ever for each other.  

And He said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for My strength is made perfect in weakness.”  2 Corinthians 12:9a